Big Hat, No Cattle: Riced Out Ford Taurus

I have heard that in Texas, the expression “big hat, no cattle” refers to someone who looks important but has suspect credentials. They might talk big but fail to come through or produce results that are in line with their appearance. This person might also be called a show-off, a braggart, or a fraud.

I would say that “big hat, no cattle” definitely applies to this Ford Taurus – especially since Taurus is the Latin word for “bull.” With its body kit and its dual exhaust cutouts, it might be appear to be a pretty fast car. Sadly, I have to call it out for not having any “go” to back up the “show.”

What we have here is a V6 family sedan with an ill-fitting fiberglass body kit. Those aren’t sweet aftermarket wheels…they are painted factory wheels. The oxidized headlights and spray painted grille are telltale signs that this was a “budget built” where a lot of expense was spared. The rest of the “modifications” include: window tint, a CB antenna, and a barbed wire license plate frame.

Under the hood will be a completely stock motor that makes at best 155 HP in a 3,600-pound car. It’s not the slowest car ever, but it is certainly no high-performance machine. This car is completely average, but its owner has taken to dressing it up like it is a road-legal race car.

This just looks awful and is a waste of money.