I was driving down 35th avenue when this Corvette caught my attention. I love Corvettes. But that spoiler was hideous.

But when I got closer, I saw something far worse than a huge spoiler…

The idiot already has a Z06 (albeit an extremely tasteless one), so why does he feel the need to put the bogus SS badge on the car? IT’S A FUCKING CORVETTE!

This is the Holy Grail, the Lost Dutchman Mine, and the Aiwa Mega-CD all rolled into one!

Either of these trucks would get me excited normally, but to see two of them together? This changes everything. Unpainted body kits just don’t do it for me anymore…

I’ve concluded that the one on the right is uglier, but the one on the left is more retarded. 

I like the C5 tailgate, the turbo badge, and the spoiler, but what really sets it off for me is the rear window. How the fuck are those horses able to be in front of the waterfall like that? Bonus points for actually covering the old taillights though. Years ago, I saw a Ford truck with the Corvette taillight roll pan AND the stock lights AND one of those stupid led brake light bars that goes in the huge gap between the tailgate and the poorly made roll pan. All of them hooked up. I want to see it again.

I hate to make another Pixar reference so soon, but does this remind anyone else of the three eyed alien from Toy Story? Just me?

I really don’t even feel like wasting my time explaining why this is up here. You already know. I hope. God, I really hope you do. You do… right?

Doesn’t that weird spoiler/rear end shroud kinda make the rear look like one of those newish Galants that nobody bought?

Seriously, they look like little escape pods, or cartoon rocket boosters or something. Is Pixar making car accessories now?

I keep seeing Cavaliers with these horrendous body kits. The bumpers stick out far enough that I’m afraid I’m going to trip over one in a parking lot.

Notice the separation of the bumper cover from the body. Also, don’t you wonder why a car with an inline cylinder configuration would ever, EVER need dual exhaust?

If I had a back bumper like this, I’d play games with myself to see how much stuff I could set on it. I’d win.

I’d support a law that required all cars (even imports) to have American Flags airbrushed all over them if it meant I’d never, ever have to see this shit again.

Realistic fire bro.
What’s next? Airbrushing dents and scratches onto the car? And is that plaid under the hood?!

I’m sorry. I don’t care if it’s patriotic.

It looks like fuck.

One things for sure. This car has definitely “got the straight edge”. Interpret that however you like.