For Immediate Release
September 24, 2012 – In a press conference held earlier today at Kennedy Space Center, NASA officials announced the successful launch of their newest unmanned spacecraft, SpaceShip Xterra. Unlike most satellites which are sent to far off planets or celestial bodies, SpaceShip Xterra is on a terrestrial mission to monitor our own planet Earth.
Scientists reported that they had no trouble establishing a communication link with the satellite thanks to the giant fucking antenna mounted to its front bumper. The satellite is just beginning its surveying mission which is scheduled to last 3 years or 36,000 miles (whichever comes first).
SpaceShip Xterra contains several unique design elements which will aid in its mission objectives. These include a roof rack for gathering and analyzing terrain samples, side step rails in case the craft should run into any obstructions, and a multitude of additional antennas which NASA officials insist are essential to the craft’s operations and not just there to impress Congress. NASA officials also declined to comment on the mysterious bulge on SpaceShip Xterra’s rear liftgate when questioned, saying that its purpose was classified.
One of the spacecraft’s most notable features is its bright yellow exterior, which is an unusual departure from the sterile, white look of previous NASA satellites. Public Relations Director Tim Foylhat was quoted as saying “There was some internal criticism over the decision to paint SpaceShip Xterra bright yellow, but ultimately our engineers decided that it just looked a whole lot more badass that way.”
Amateur astronomers have already called in with numerous sightings of SpaceShip Xterra in the desert near Phoenix, Arizona as it begins its orbital path around the valley.
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