Big Block 1969 Chevrolet Chevelle Malibu 454

While I was wandering around at Barrett-Jackson 2013, I happened upon this matte black beauty of a car. This 1969 Chevelle Malibu 454 is the ultimate street/strip machine: a fusion of metal and testosterone so manly that hair sprouted from my knuckles as I walked past.

Everything about this car awakens the senses, from the smooth black exterior to the deep rumble of the big-block V8 that you can feel in the soles of your shoes. This is a car that makes stock Corvettes and Mustangs slink back into the shadows. It makes junkyard dogs cower with fear and street thugs look the other way when they see it roll through their ‘hood. It rides on a set of Weld racing wheels and massive rear tires that don’t just grip the pavement, they pin it down and make it say ‘Uncle!’ This is one Chevelle you really don’t want to mess with.

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There Goes The Neighborhood

I can’t even begin to guess how many cans of Wal-Mart Colorplace flat black somebody used on this thing, or how long it took to do. I can’t imagine how hot it gets inside, or how much painting it that way ruined the value of the vehicle.

I can, however; imagine the look of shock and horror on all of my neighbors faces if I pulled the thing up into the rocks on the side of my house and just parked it there.

This RV is like a giant “fuck you” that you can live inside of. I love it.

Chopped Dakota

When I first caught a glimpse of this thing from across the parking lot, my gut told me it was a newer Chevy truck. I’m not really sure why though since it doesn’t really look like one at all. Maybe my subconscious mind picked up on some proportion that was similar to a Chevy in there somewhere, but I can’t put my finger on it. It wasn’t until I got closer to it that I realized it was a chopped Dakota with some sort of homemade DeSoto grille. I wasn’t sure what to make of it at first, but after looking at it again, I’ve sort of warmed up to it. There are a couple things I don’t really care for, like the word “taboo” above the grille, and I’ve never been a fan of pinstriping. Plus the whole Dodge thing. On top of that, this truck is partly responsible for the discontinuation of the best mid-sized truck of all time, the far superior Jeep Comanche.

But I do like the stance of this truck and the satin paint actually kind of works for it. Plus, extra points are awarded for being a man and using actual paint and not some lame ass vinyl wrap bullshit. And you’ve got to appreciate the amount of time someone spent chopping that top. I know that’s not an easy thing to pull off. I wish I could have taken a look under the hood though. Dodge’s offerings for the first gen Dakota were all over the place. Under that hood could be anything from a 97 hp 2.2L to a pretty damn impressive (for the time) 230 horse 318, and everything you could possibly imagine in between. All in all, I’d say it’s earned its place in the “car shows” category instead of the tasteless section. I approve.