Sentra GT-R

I’m pretty thrown by this. I’ve been researching the history of the Nissan Sentra for about an hour now and I didn’t really expect to find any “GTR” trim levels. Well, there never was one, obviously. I knew that even if there was a GTR, it certainly wouldn’t have been so, well, …garishly appointed, but I thought maybe this body kit was somehow “inspired” by some sort of real model somewhere. There was a Sentra GTS that was released only in the Philippines, but from what I’ve seen of it, the package didn’t include any kind of uncomfortably vague Subaru inspired body kit/ground clearance package. Also, “R” is not the same letter as “S”.

Then there’s the fact that it wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense to name your top of the line supercar after a trim level of one of your most underwhelming cars of all time. It’s bad for your image. The opposite also holds true. I mean, imagine if Chevy were to put out one of the best cars anybody had ever made, and then a couple years later pumped out an S10 with an identical, but numerically higher model designation than the Corv- …um…hypothetical car. People would think they were smoking crack and everyone would stop buying American cars and everything would turn front wheel drive and all the cars will look like soulless plastic lumps of plastic coal on plastic wheels.  Just imagine.

Explorer Sport Trac: Adrenaline

I’ve never heard of these things before. Honestly, I didn’t even know there was a second generation of the Explorer Sport Trac. Apparently this started out as a stereo package for the Sport Trac and morphed into this “appearance-package” atrocity starting in 2008. Based off what was meant to be an SVT-lead performance truck, that idea was apparently scrapped, but kept the 2005 GT-R concept grille treatment. Something nowadays many other manufacturers can’t seem to avoid stealing as well (I’m looking at you SRT team).

So basically this thing is all show and no go. Being as it’s a quad cab with a pathetic excuse for a bed -and built from the Explorer platform- I shouldn’t be surprised that this is basically what you would call a “lifestyle” vehicle. Which I suppose is a nice way of saying that it’s only meant to look like its sporty and utilitarian, instead of actually being sporty and utilitarian. It’s a mechanical cod piece. I also shouldn’t be surprised that the lady driving this looked like she was off to get the kids from soccer practice, driving in a part of town that is exclusively new, upper-middle class suburbs.

During a year where Ford was making the Five-Hundred, Fusion and Taurus (fleet only) all at the same time, I feel comfortable in saying that this was the most useless, outdated and foolish-looking vehicle in their line-up. I hope it’s rarity ensures that I never have to notice another one and think “Oh, what the fuck?”