The Little Accessory that Shouldn’t

Today there is no shortage of automotive accessories that allow each owner to truly personalize their vehicle. Lets face it, if we plunk down any given amount for a vehicle, no matter how much or how little, and you have to drive it on a daily basis, why wouldn’t you want to gussie it up a bit. I have driven by my fair share of people whose rear deck is exploding with hello kitty dolls, or other various stuffed animals.

While I may not personally partake in parading stuffed animals throughout my vehicle, or decide that I need 5 “speed holes” per fender with a completely non-functional hood scoop, if someone so chooses that direction so be it. Thankfully when we come across the latter it generally makes you smile, or perhaps be the talking point on your next road trip as you place “spot the import with the most useless add-on.”

Ok I made that game up, but it doesn’t mean it couldn’t be something fun for people to do on their way to a car show, right? Now, with all of the accessories known to man, there is one that just makes me cringe. It is an accessory that to this day I don’t even understand what type of “aesthetics” it adds to a vehicle. That’s right, I am referring to truck nuts.

These truck testies, or car cohones if you will, do more than just detract from any type of vehicle. These dangling monstrosities strip any manliness that a vehicle might otherwise have had. Is that not the exact opposite effect of what you want solid metal male genitalia to do? I don’t think I could ever take a driver in front of me seriously if their giant lifted truck with 40 inch off-road tires and beadlock rims ready for off-roading has a little dangling sack of huevos swaying in the wind.

When I further contemplate the idea of this product, it doesn’t exactly make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside that companies make money by selling these from 19 dollars a piece (or would it be a pair) all the way up to 80 bucks if you would prefer a nice gold or shiny chrome plate pair of man parts. I am sure there are other options, perhaps even tie-dye, but that is just after a quick search around the web. I didn’t want to search too much more as I was afraid as to what Google might return.

Try as I might, I think there is only one valid use for them, Demolition Derby cars. Think if it as the vehicular version of row sham bow. Interestingly enough, the drivers’ probably safer doing a vehicle version of a row sham bow then attempting the real thing.

It’s time we ended this travesty of car parts accessories before it gets too far. As mentioned before they already have standard, chrome, gold plated, and extra large sized. Where does it end? For all we know celebrity-endorsed versions are right around the corner. Most likely not, but can we really take that chance?

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About James Dean

James enjoys two things, cars and technology. When both are brought together you can't keep him away. He appreciated vehicles from all walks of life, but gravitates towards rotary powered machines even though they are few and far between. James has many years of professional experience in mobile audio, and has picked up other bits of knowledge here and there tinkering around with his own vehicles. James mission is to hunt for interesting and unique rides and share them with the GENHO community.