The Rice Report – Anamorphic Accord

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Welcome back to the Rice Report: your up-to-the-minute guide to the exciting and confusing phenomenon of the ricer resurgence as of late!

Before I begin, I would like to apologize for the poor quality of the photos. I think my camera must have a special mode that I don’t know about. I was able to see this car perfectly fine in person, but for some reason whenever I tried to take a picture of it, it came out terrible and grainy. I really believe my camera was trying to protect me from ever having to see this car again. Anyways, on to the car.

This Accord is a little bit of a puzzle. I can’t decide if it’s an example of the elusive “finished ricer” that’s been beat to shit for years, or if it is a current (shoddy) work in progress. And while it may not posses all of the traits that you normally associate with ricers, it’s got one interesting trait that I noticed in person as well as in the pictures: Depending on what angle you are viewing the car from, it has the ability to evoke images of other cars in your head in a very subtle way.

For example, in shot above, we are clearly looking at an Accord, but a very small part of my brain is telling me “Lincoln LS”. I’m not sure why exactly. Moving along…

In this shot, we have equal parts Accord, Mustang, and Alero. Once again, I honestly can’t pinpoint what part of the car is confusing me, (maybe the rear side window area for the Alero?) it’s just a vague gut feeling I get when I look at it. It makes me uneasy. I don’t like it.

I can only assume that my confusion is based on the fact that someone must have basically started with an Accord at one point and then caked six inches of bondo onto it, re sculpting his car into a half-assed, disgusting hybrid of all of his friends cars or something. It doesn’t work.

So, without any further ado, let’s see how it holds up in the Rice Cooker™, Generation: High Output’s own standardized rice test!

The Breakdown:

  • Overall Ugliness: Its pretty fucking awful. It’s not the worst I’ve ever seen, but the body kit and hood are pretty bad and the chrome rims send it over the edge. 4/5 hot-air intakes.

  • Accessorization: No shopping car handle or roof scoop? This guy is gonna need a couple trips to Pepboys and an eBay account if he ever wants to be able to compete in this catagory. 2/5 hot-air intakes.

  • Car Choice: Doesn’t get more perfect than a 90’s Honda. It may not be a Civic, but we’ll still take it. 5/5 hot-air intakes.

  • Uniqueness: Aside from the anamorphic qualities mentioned above, this really is just an average rice job. 3/5 hot-air intakes.

  • Lack of Skill: This car displays an average lack of skill. The spray paint looks just about as we would have expected it to look, as does the cracked body filler. The owner of this car has average automotive skills. 3/5 hot-air intakes.

Overall Rice Factor:

This Accord is slightly ricier than average. This guy will definitely need to slap a wing on that bad boy and sand those bumpers back down to the gelcoat if he wants to have any hope of impressing anyone in that thing. 3.5 out of 5 hot air intakes.

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About Mike Ross

I love anything you can drive. But I love it even more if it has a small block Chevy or Ford motor, a turbo, four wheel drive, is a hatchback, or was made in the 80s. My ideal car would be a combination of all of these things, and I'm working on building a time machine so I can go back to the 80's and convince Chevy and Ford to collaborate on a twin-engine, single turbo 4x4 XR4Ti/Fox Mustang/Third Gen F-body and hide one in a mineshaft for me to recover in brand new condition. Look for a blog post about it just as soon as it happens. Or maybe it already did, and I've already posted about it in the future and the internet just needs to catch up with it. Okay, my head hurts, never mind.

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