When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

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I came across these two trucks parked next to each other at the Happy Valley Wal-Mart last night. I find the dichotomy of the two trucks pretty interesting.

First off, we’ve got the white 9th Gen F-series. It’s probalby my favorite body style for a 4×4 truck, and probably my least favorite as a 2wd. But here, it looks great. It’s riding on 35s, which to me, stuck in my Jeep forums, are massive. I think 35’s are the perfect size for a full-size truck though, 33s look a little goofy, and any larger than 35s, and well, you’re just a dickhead. The billet grill is a little dated (although acceptable on a legit 90s vehicle) but the Daylighters show actual off-road intent, since they aren’t part of some half-ass prerunner light bar thing that’s just for looks. I also see some decent suspension work under the truck, however, the owner is still rocking (or attempting to rock) the factory Twin-Traction Beam front end setup, which is… how can I put this gently… a total piece of shit. He needs to swap a solid axle in there.

Anyways, the point of this post is not to rag on the poor 9th gen. I really like the truck, and I think it’s the biggest truck anyone would ever actually need. Which leads me to the ridiculous display of faux-testosterone parked next to it.

Where the white Ford looks totally capable (although I’d pit my near-stock XJ against either of them any day) the Super Duty just looks like a joke. I really can’t imagine that thing ever being taken off a paved road at all other than to pull a trailer with a bunch of ATVs to the dunes on Thanksgiving weekend every year. It just looks so goofy. The other truck is not a small truck by any means, and this lumbering thing just towers over it. I checked the wheels. 22s. Laughable.

If nothing else, I hope this post helps to illustrate the fact that there really is such a thing as “too much of a good thing” and that sometimes less really is more. The bottom line is that no truck needs to be bigger than that white Ford there. I’m sure the guy in the Super Duty jumped down onto the parking lot with a big old smile on his face, content in his belief that he was the “alpha-er” male.

I just want to you to know, driver of the white truck, that if I were stranded out in the desert and needed someone to rescue me, I’d pick you over him in a heartbeat.

However; they both look like toys compared to the truck I’m going to show you tomorrow…

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This entry was posted in Tasteless Cars and tagged , , , , , by Mike Ross. Bookmark the permalink.

About Mike Ross

I love anything you can drive. But I love it even more if it has a small block Chevy or Ford motor, a turbo, four wheel drive, is a hatchback, or was made in the 80s. My ideal car would be a combination of all of these things, and I'm working on building a time machine so I can go back to the 80's and convince Chevy and Ford to collaborate on a twin-engine, single turbo 4x4 XR4Ti/Fox Mustang/Third Gen F-body and hide one in a mineshaft for me to recover in brand new condition. Look for a blog post about it just as soon as it happens. Or maybe it already did, and I've already posted about it in the future and the internet just needs to catch up with it. Okay, my head hurts, never mind.

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