Insult to Injury

“Ok… what’s the plan?”

“Don’t you remember? He said it needs to be simultaneously the ugliest and most pointless car anyone’s ever seen!”

“You mean like a Smart Car?”

“Ok, maybe not quite so ugly or pointless. Second most ugly and pointless then.”


“This is tough”

“Yeah, screw this. I can’t think of anything. Why don’t we just start working on another customer’s car and come back to this later?”

“That’s a good idea, we really need to finish up on Richard’s car, the combination second gen Camaro/dune buggy. It was supposed to be done last week.”

“Cool. I’ll try and think of something while I finish painting the drivers side rear brake drum yellow and cutting long slits into the hood.”

Sticker Shock

So, I was leaving Gamestop (which is a complete joke, by the way) and I noticed this car. At first it just looked like your average mid-life Chrysler, but then I noticed the home made sticker on the back:

“In Leykis we Trust”

And since I can’t fucking stand Tom Leykis (actually, I shouldn’t say that. Saying I can’t stand him almost makes him seem like he could be something relevant.)

Since nobody gives a fuck about Tom Leykis anymore, and hes an old heartbroken fatass, I’d probably recommend peeling off the stickers. I mean, seriously, you wonder why girls dont like you when you drive a maroon Sebring with license plate frame of tiny chrome skulls with a tribal design on the top and your hubcaps removed? Whoever you are, just know this:

I hope someone splashes piss right in your stupid fucking face.

Good Day.


It’s got to be the most ridiculous trend yet.

“Hey man, I want, like, a picture of my truck on my truck.”

Of course, the other tasteless stuff is still there, like the clear tail lights, the running boards, the roll pan that makes no sense with the ground effects, the uneven exhaust, the torn canvas tonneau cover with something written on it for people to see with google earth, the chrome diff cover, and the lightning bolt rear window tint.What really sets it off though, is that little mural on the back. It’s not just a painting of his truck back there, it’s his truck in the middle of a fucking situation. Notice how gracefully his truck streaks through the water in reverse, away from the giant flying snow crab during the storm at the end of the world with the part of space coming down to earth. Breathtaking.Also noteworthy is the fact that on the painting of his truck, he clearly has some sort of plastic fairing behind the cab, while his real-life truck does not. Is this a tribute to a previous modification, or a sign of things to come?

Bond-Oh NO!

Using bondo is shitty. Over using bondo is really shitty. Angled mufflers are shitty. Spoilers are shitty. Primer is shitty. Rims in colors that won’t make sense when the car is painted someday are shitty.

But body kits that make your car look like a flying carpet, well, those are just totally fucking awesome.