About Cameron Tunstall

265-400 SBC, third generation F-bodies, anything Oldsmobile... and a little modular 2V as well.

I don’t know what this is

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Don’t mistake my lack of words for laziness. The two shots of this Civic you see here are the embodiment of the adage, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” See all two-thousand words of paranoid nonsense for yourself by clicking and enlarging the images.

 

 

W140 S600

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Okay, lets get this out of the way: I’m totally going to forgive those lame-ass tail lights for the sake of one of the baddest German cars to have ever existed. What you see here is 389hp DOHC 6.0L v12 S600 sedan. Aesthetically, Mercedes Benz has yet to best this design as far as I’m concerned. The W140 is the pinnacle of the subtle design language of luxury cars during the 1990s (see also: E36, XF10). Today’s luxury cars being the antithesis of this with very overwrought features and an I-bought-this-with-my-decent-credit-solely-to-impress-you attitude.

The W140 sedan to me is like a modern version of the 409-powered third generation Impala. A stately exterior that hides it’s malicious intentions.

Wile E. Coyote Edition Monte Carlo SS

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No I’m not talking about Terry Labonte’s Looney-tuned themed Nascar vehicle (which would be infinitely more interesting). Saw this gem parked in front of a subway in an upscale neighborhood. I can tell you right now that this car didn’t come from the factory like this, although whoever laid the decal did a good job. Judging by the fact that golf is super prevalent in Arizona and dealers will do anything to sell a glorified Grand Prix GT to a sucker, this may be a dealer option. Kind of like a Yenko, except with a lame sticker instead of a fire-breathing 427 big block.

Ted Nugent was staying at a local 3 star hotel

I don’t know a damn thing about bows and arrows, nor are off-road trucks my automotive niche. But something about this looked so wrong. I stared at this Chevy for a while thinking, “That looks like no Z71 logo i’ve ever seen.” Someone wants you to think that this is some factory off-road package, but it’s not.

It’s actually the logo for an advanced cam technology. Not camshafts for automobiles, mind you.. but for a bow and arrow! You’re looking at the logo for the Z7 cam technology for Matthews Inc. They make the kind of weapon The Motor City Madman himself uses to do whatever it is he does now that he’s all whacked out on politics and killing animals instead of deflowering youth and shredding on a guitar.

I’m inclined to believe that the owner of this truck (likely Uncle Ted himself as far as I’m concerned) really thought he was pulling a fast one on someone. It’s too much of a coincidence that it would reside in the same position as a Z71 logo, don’t you think?

If you’d like to retrofit your non-Z71 truck with one of these to fool all of your friends that don’t give a damn, you can pick one up here.

SLP Pontiac Trans Am Firehawk

Let’s begin with a history lesson: With all of the special packages applied to pony cars of every era, we must ask what the “Firehawk” is. Well to put it simply, when F-bodies were in full-wedge-effect, GM would send them over to SLP to get them slapped with some bolt-ons to sell them to you at a higher price. During 2 generations (or 3 platform refreshes) You could order a Pontiac SLP Firehawk.

The rarest of these being the 91-92 models, only 25 left with option code “B4U”. Next is the 1993-1997 models, though only the 1997 model is worth noting, as it comes with a 345hp-rated LT4 small block. All came with the “R6V” RPO code. Then there’s a handful of 1998 Trans Am’s and Formulas driving around with Firehawk parts on them, but they don’t count. Next is the 1999-2002 Firehawks, carrying the “WU6” RPO code.The Firehawk you see here belongs to that iteration. But if you couldn’t tell that, you probably have no business being into F-body cars. Originally rated a 327hp, likely for novelty purposes as there is absolutely very little that sets a 305hp LS1 in a Firebird Formula apart from a 327hp Ls1 in a Firehawk – or even a 345hp LS1 in a Y-body Corvette. The rating climbed higher and higher and finally peaked at 345 with the LS6-intaked 2002 Model.

Okay, there’s the specs, so what makes these Firehawks so special? Prepare to be severely disappointed. You’re looking at a sticker package, exclusive wheels and tires, exhaust tips and the only actually performance improving modification being a lightweight hood fitted with “real” ram induction. The only thing this had over it’s SLP SS Camaro brother was aesthetics. At least it had that in spades.

For the record, this particular Firehawk is interesting in that it has chrome wheels, a new option for it’s year. Other than that, it’s a plastic-hooded Formula with a nasty snarl. Love those t-tops though.

 

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