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This is something that has been bothering me for a while now.

For those of you who aren’t privy to all the (not so) new shit, I’ll fill you in real quick: The “VIP Style” story goes that sometime in the 90s, Japanese gangsters drove around town, showing off in expensive German cars but then gradually started getting tired of being identified as gang members by cops and rival gangs. So, they decided they would be much less noticeable if they drove around in Japanese luxury cars instead.

That would be sound reasoning if it weren’t for the fact that they seemingly have zero self control and can’t stop themselves from lowering the cars to the point where the negative camber is seriously almost allowing the car to drive on the inner lip of the wheel. If that weren’t ostentatious enough, the wheels they put on these things are just …well, they’re fucking awful.

I realize that the cars I’ve taken pictures of were shot by me, and I’ve never been to Japan, so if you are one of those people who says that you can only get a real slice of pizza in New York, you will probably be pretty quick to point out that these cars I took pictures of in America aren’t the real deal and don’t accurately portray “VIP Style”.

We have something amazing nowadays, called the Internet. It allows people to share not only recipes with their friends in Arizona, but also descriptions, and even pictures of cars too. So I’ve seen what they look like. They look just as ridiculous as the wanna-be VIP Style cars here do.

And that leads me to another point. “VIP”? Really? Really, guys? This is your idea of what a “very important person” would drive around in? Are you telling me that in Japan, visiting dignitaries travel this way, hitting their heads on the ceiling as they bounce along the street, spilling sake everywhere, riding on bump stops, listening to the fender lips slicing new grooves into the treads of their tires? Actually, I seriously hope they do.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for unreasonable vehicular compromises and  sheer displays of excess. And these cars, as extreme as they may be in Japan, just don’t seem dangerous excessive enough for my unrefined American tastes. Yeah, cool, you’ve got a rear wheel drive car, yeah it might even have a V8, and yeah It might be decently large, by today’s standards. Oh, and it sits pretty low. The fact is, these cars just simply pale in comparison to the absolutely delightful levels of garishness we Americans have grown accustomed to.

To wrap this all up, I will leave you with this: Would Elvis have driven one? Fuck. No.