Okay, I hate to Jerry Seinfeld you here, but seriously- what’s the deal with the  people who think they’re witches/wizards/warlocks/pagemasters…etc?

I’ve never understood it. I’ve run into more than a few of them and they always seem to have a lot in common with each other. More than once, I have encountered a “witch” who, with a totally straight face claimed to be able to perform spells.

Seriously? Performing spells? Hey, ever noticed that not a single spell every performed in the history of the universe has ever worked, including yours? I’m pretty sure that if it were possible to perform anything even remotely considered a spell, there would be chaos in the streets and television programming would be interrupted to bring you the breaking announcement that OH HEY EVERYBODY MAGIC IS REAL. And wouldn’t you think a weight loss spell would be the first thing all of these witches would do?

And if spells are possible, can anyone who speaks the right words perform them? What about thinking the words? What about whispering them? I want to know, what is the quietest you can whisper a spell and have it work before it isn’t considered speaking it? Is there a threshold for it? What if the spell is in another language and you mispronounce it very slightly? Might it still work? Surely it would have to be pretty exact. But when viewed closely enough, nothing is exact or perfect and since they probably didn’t have smartphones or even microcassette recorders when all of the languages on Earth were being first developed, how do we know we are pronouncing anything right?

So I’d say it’s pretty safe to assume that it’s not for real and I’m in no danger of having my skin covered in boils or whatever.

By the way, I never actually saw the driver of this car, but the stickers got me going and I felt the need to rant. So yeah, um, cars.