I’m pretty thrown by this. I’ve been researching the history of the Nissan Sentra for about an hour now and I didn’t really expect to find any “GTR” trim levels. Well, there never was one, obviously. I knew that even if there was a GTR, it certainly wouldn’t have been so, well, …garishly appointed, but I thought maybe this body kit was somehow “inspired” by some sort of real model somewhere. There was a Sentra GTS that was released only in the Philippines, but from what I’ve seen of it, the package didn’t include any kind of uncomfortably vague Subaru inspired body kit/ground clearance package. Also, “R” is not the same letter as “S”.
Then there’s the fact that it wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense to name your top of the line supercar after a trim level of one of your most underwhelming cars of all time. It’s bad for your image. The opposite also holds true. I mean, imagine if Chevy were to put out one of the best cars anybody had ever made, and then a couple years later pumped out an S10 with an identical, but numerically higher model designation than the Corv- …um…hypothetical car. People would think they were smoking crack and everyone would stop buying American cars and everything would turn front wheel drive and all the cars will look like soulless plastic lumps of plastic coal on plastic wheels. Just imagine.
Seriously, what’s up with all the stacks everyone has been putting on their trucks lately? I thought they were to keep all the soot and other bullshit that diesels emit from getting all over your trailer or whatever, but it has obviously turned into a sort of redneck genitalia-swinging contest. (Much like the trucks themselves).
If I keep seeing examples of them that are this ridiculous, I think I’m going to put them in their own category. This guy in particular really seems to hate Dodge, but not Chevy I guess. Which I can totally understand, and I’m sure we could have been friends except I’m having a little bit of trouble looking past the, um, …cigarettes? Can I just say, real quick- WHAT THE FUCK?! I’m honestly not sure whether the cigarettes are supposed to be some sort of statement for smoking, some sort of statement against smoking, or just some wild ass shit some guy thought would “look cool, brotha”.
Stack related side note: I saw an early 90’s, gasoline Toyota pickup near 7th Street and the 101 with one H U G E stack in the middle of the bed and but I didn’t get a picture in time. This is my promise to you. I will track the motherfucker down and bring you some pics.
Let’s play a little word association game. If I say the word “ricer”, what words come to mind? If you are in your mid to late 20’s your brain is probably flooded with words like “body kit”, “spoiler”, “a-pillar mounted fire extinguisher” or “roof scoop”, right?
Guys, this is 2012. The dudes who drove the cars with all that bullshit on them have moved on. Most have lifted trucks now, a few probably have stock, newer Civics. All the dickheads who could actually afford them just have BMWs. The cars are long gone too. Either driven into the ground by an ex-girlfriend, parted out, or sold to tweakers. Anyways, they aren’t really around any more. Don’t worry though, I’ve got you covered- while not an exhaustive list by any means, this is pretty much everything you need to know about the concept- the theory, if you will- of what this new generation of dumbfuck kids are doing with their parent’s debt.
The ricers of yesteryear were at least attempting to look like they knew a little bit about cars. Sure, a chrome hot-air intake from eBay does fuck all for performance and makes you look like a tool. But at least it signified 2 things: 1. You knew how to open your hood, and 2. You owned or were otherwise able to gain access to a flat head screwdriver. Ok, maybe they watched The Fast and the Furious a few too many times. At least they were still trying to be car guys, even if they were failing miserably at it. Modifications were meant to give the illusion of speed. They meant well, one could argue. Everything is different now. It’s no longer about going fast, it’s about-and I use the term loosely- “looking good”. Today, you can show up at a car show with a stock-motored car with cut springs, your wheels painted baby blue or RC car neon yellow, and 14 or 15 of the same sticker carefully plastered in a perfectly arranged pattern on one your quarter panels and turn some heads.
Fuck that. It’s almost like it’s not only not cool to have actual car knowledge, its actually uncool to know about cars. Like only a slobbering, inbred redneck would want to modify a car for performance. And American cars? Forget about it! Nowadays, it’s all just about showing off your “style”, and the car is a fashion accessory, merely a giant, rolling Trapper Keeper to cover with stickers so the whole world can see you and know that you’re too cool for school. It’s bad. Smugness abounds. I do have to say, however, that going to the Pavilions on Saturdays and seeing the number of stickered up, rusted-hooded shitboxes multiplying exponentially every week has really put things into perspective for me. It really helps me appreciate pretty much every other little subculture going on within this bigger subculture I love to complain about so much. Even the kind of lame ones, like Minis.
Even the jocks in their impossibly mean sounding 5.0s and 4th gen F-bodies, even the greasers with the permanent “fuck you” look on their faces, even the billet-and-tweed-everything old guys, the eBay turbo kit import guys, the I-hate-to-admit-how-fucking-fast-they-can-be-made diesel trucks, the old Corvette guys who all look the same, even all the 240sx guys (where do all these 240sx’s keep coming from anyway?), the transformer-dorks with their new Camaros, the guys who apparently just found out about LEDs, the sleazy Euro-trash guys with the Ferraris, the regular-Joe looking guys who try to park their NSX’s right by the Ferraris, the guys who ride street bikes who put those weird mohawks on their helmets, the guys in newer GTO’s who look like they should be riding street bikes with mohawks on their helmets, even the guys with the Grand Nationals with eight miles on them, even the SHO guys who all neglect their cars terribly, and God, even the Mopar guys. I (heart) you all. Each and every one of you.
Worst title? Possibly. Worst execution of a metal body kit? Probably not. Tasteless? Clearly. But how do you build your own?
You will need 2 parts Cadillac, a splash of Dodge Neon paint, a pinch of whatever you think a European car may have looked like in the late 80’s, and a welder.
Don’t forget to throw on a set of yesterdays largest.
I thought this truck was bad enough when I first saw it. Then I looked at it at home and realized the poor girl is missing a foot. I’ve been trying to rationalize this and I really just don’t know what to think. Did the guy paying the “artist” run out of money? Is that really how the girl looks? Anyways, I have included a Photoshop of the direction I feel the art should be headed in. Ha. “Be headed”.
