Your font hurts my eyes and your little phrase hurts my brain. I spotted this thing at NAU, assume what you will.
All Fucks Given (Chevy Malibu)
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Flame War
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This is pretty outrageous. The guy’s got a matching Escalade EXT, Chevy truck bed trailer, (useless) ATV, radio controlled ATV, and model ATV. Also, notice the fact that he has a custom painted grill but also wants you to know he has a mesh grill too. I hate it. I hate it so much.
The Trollmobile
Everything’s cool.
It’s a beautiful day outside, the first truly “nice” day of the year. It’s the weekend and you’re out and about, just cruising with the windows down without a care in the world. It’s one of those rare days that is just so nice and sunny that you find yourself in a cheerful mood from the moment you wake up. Birds are chirping, the radio is playing all your favorite songs and you’re catching nothing but green lights. Life is good. You’re waving at strangers.
Then you notice someone zooming up behind you quickly before slowing down within inches of your back bumper. You expect them to swerve quickly around you but it doesn’t happen. They continue driving uncomfortably close to you for several miles.
SpaceShip Xterra
For Immediate Release
September 24, 2012 – In a press conference held earlier today at Kennedy Space Center, NASA officials announced the successful launch of their newest unmanned spacecraft, SpaceShip Xterra. Unlike most satellites which are sent to far off planets or celestial bodies, SpaceShip Xterra is on a terrestrial mission to monitor our own planet Earth.
Scientists reported that they had no trouble establishing a communication link with the satellite thanks to the giant fucking antenna mounted to its front bumper. The satellite is just beginning its surveying mission which is scheduled to last 3 years or 36,000 miles (whichever comes first).
Panoz: An American Sports Car Manufacturer
Let’s imagine for a minute that you are a businessman who has reached middle age. You have worked hard for everything you have earned and done well for yourself. Now it’s time to have a little fun.
You’re in the market for a sports car and you want to Buy American instead of giving your money to the Italians, the Germans, or the Japanese. Also, you want a car that stands out from the crowd of Mustangs, Camaros, and Challengers. In this case, you should take a look at the Panoz Auto Development Company.
Offroad: The Hard Way
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You’ll often find me criticizing the local populace of 4WD truck owners for doing it all wrong. What do I know about offroading with my two, lowered 2WD trucks and family sedan? I’m sure you think I don’t have the first clue about how awesome pedestrian 4×4’s can be. I mean they’re usually set up with cruising gears, automatic transmissions, limo-like wheelbase lengths, usually have a useless pick-up bed 40ft in the air, have over-sized tires that howl at moving speed and use their drop hitches (rarely) to tow a pair of jet skis, which is why they need the biggest engine possible optioned. If you and your bros have to take dad’s boat to the lake, or there’s some water or dirt on the street, you just press that little 4WD button and everything is good to go.
In a word, they’re “purposeful.” Continue reading
