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For some reason, my brain interprets this exact combination of stickers as “I actually really like vocal trance and I usually bring a box fan from home to Castles and Coasters to play Dance Dance Revolution in an unbuttoned silk shirt with dragons printed on it.”
I took some pictures of this car a while back and didn’t think much about it, other than the fact that it was really bizarre looking. A couple months went by and I heard an interesting urban legend about a car accident. I think I might have something really special here.
The story goes that back in May 2002, just before graduation, a high school kid in a CRX was racing a kid from a rival high school in a riced out (burgered out?) V6 Mustang down Tatum at lunchtime when both drivers lost control of their vehicles and they ended up hitting each other before rear ending a third car, an Intrepid that was stopped at a red light. Both the CRX and the Mustang were such powerful vehicles that they were able to achieve race car-like speeds on the streets, so when they hit the Intrepid, the force was great enough that it actually was able to fuse the three cars together. The paramedics arrived and pulled all three motorists from the gruesome wreckage, pronouncing them dead at the scene.
The police showed up shortly after the paramedics. They had trouble identifying the owners of two of the vehicles. They were able to run the plates of the CRX to identify the driver, but it had embedded itself so deeply into the other two cars that the whole wreck eerily resembled one mangled, dilapidated vehicle. Even the paint had been blended together, further reducing what had once been three cars down to one singular automotive monstrosity.
As the police sat in their cars doing paperwork and waiting for the tow truck to arrive, something unbelievable happened. The officers reported that the car simply started on its own and began revving its engine at them, as though it was taunting them. They cautiously approached the car with their weapons drawn, assuming that there had been a passenger that had survived and might try to make a run for it. When the officers got close enough to see through the triple-dark window tint, they were startled to discover that nobody was in the car.
Before anyone could even say a word, the car is reported to have shifted itself into gear and took off down the street at an unbelievable rate of speed. The officers tried to pursue it, but the wreck, now believed to be sporting all-wheel-drive and the combined power of a CRX, a V6 Mustang, and a Dodge Intrepid was just too fast for them and it got away.
They say that sometimes, when a soul is unable to complete an important task on Earth, it can become trapped in this realm in a sort of infinite loop, doomed to repeat its final actions for all eternity. It’s been ten years since the accident now, but legend has it that every once in a while you can still see the wreck driving around near Tatum and Bell around lunchtime, revving its engine in a state of perpetual unrest and seeking closure by paradoxically attempting to race itself, neither winning nor losing. Forever.
But mostly losing.
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…are you telling me that this sucker is NUCLEAR?
Unfortunately the first image is not some sort of backwards alternate fucked reality, and I’m not just talking about skulls connected directly to other skulls via solid bone. Yes, this other world includes stagecoach Deville’s and Fiat dealerships in America.
However, this vehicle is a testament to the opposite side of that culture. One where ricer parts intermix with ones from domestic luxury vehicles. “Stance” is king, and poor workmanship runs rampant. There is nothing about this vehicle that says that the owner cares for it at all other than the somewhat tidy bondo and primer job. The police sticker is just icing on the cake, I suppose.
Come on, Playboy City? Are you fucking kidding me? I was embarrassed even taking pictures of this thing. I was afraid that someone would see me with my camera out and think I was taking pictures of it because I thought it was cool. I couldn’t get a good picture but he had a bunch of playboy bullshit inside the car too. I probably could have spent a little more time and got a decent shot, but like I mentioned earlier, I really just didn’t want to been seen near the car, or associated with it in any way. I’m also pretty sure it’s a v6. You never see GTs with the rocker stripes or that hood, and look at the way the exhaust points down under the cutouts in the bumper. A GT would have had the tips coming out straight. Usually when you see v6s with dual exhaust they kind of point them down so they clear the v6 bumper, which makes me think he got his exhaust before he got his body kit. I’m not sure why that’s important, it’s just observation I guess.
I also thought it was kind of funny that the car was parked in a parking lot shared by an LA Fitness, a sports therapy place, a waxing place, and a tanning place in the middle of the day on a weekday. This truly is, the car for its time and place. He fits right in there.
